Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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