But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
