Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
