The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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