somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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