my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
im on a boat
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