I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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