Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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