his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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