Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
