Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
