I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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