I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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