Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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