He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
