New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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