I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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