yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
