a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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