just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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