You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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