dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You need a sexual gate keeper
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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