hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
