Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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