I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
