Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
