The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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