i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
