the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
