my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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