So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
