I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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