She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
