She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I still have a little drunk in my system
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
