She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
