i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
