Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
