I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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