I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize