we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
