Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fuck appropriateness.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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