Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
