nut hugger
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize