Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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