Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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