My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
