jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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