Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she peed on how many people?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
