is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
