Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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