Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
