I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
