Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
