When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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