Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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