Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
