I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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