My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Randomize
