The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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