she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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