why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
