The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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