when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
