they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
