Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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