Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
