i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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