sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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