I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
