the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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