we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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