Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
