what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
