Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
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after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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