I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
