Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
where are my eyebrows?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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