if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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