you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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