Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
