dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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